"LETS GO TO WORK...ITS SHITE AND THATS OFFICIAL!!" EXCLUSIVE BY SCOOP JEFFREY

This years Church hall play is the Cult Classic film "Reservoir Dogs" performed by an all-star cast from our own Cheviot House. No expense had been spared in this production which kicked off last night with a special first night opening for the press, hence to say the hall was totally empty ! However the famous film critic from BBC 1 Barry Norman sent a telegram only to say "Stop bloody pestering me"!

The all-star cast includes Brian "Fry up" Gibbon who plays a rather camp style Mr Blonde who in the film cuts off a policeman's ear, unfortunately the budget did not stretch as far as special effects so a candy shrimp had to make do for the ear. Barry "Isum"Jordan plays Mr. White, a cool ,tough talking character which fitted Barry to a tee. Nigel "Big Ron" Atkinson said "Barry has a universal head that fits every body, the perfect fit!" Another member of the cast was Neil "Hot-dog" Holdroyd who not only plays Nice Guy Eddie but also provides refreshments during the intermissions. (God only knows what the hotdogs are made of) Les "WD40" puts in an appearance as Mr. Blue who provides the getaway car, fortunately for the cast and the audience the car only has to be pushed across the stage! Irish Jigger Chris "Sheep Sh...." Bell plays Mr. Brown (no relation) who early on in the show gets shot while making yet another cup of tea. The star role has to be that of Trevor "SuperMex" Davis playing Mr. Orange who gets a shot in the back and stitched up at every opportunity, so he always says! A marvelous production get over to see it if you can..............

TREVOR "SUPERMEX" DAVIS CAUGHT DOING IT AGAIN!!

An old Chinese proverb says that "if you go on doing something long enough then your bought to get caught" this was rightly so for Trevor "SuperMex" Davis who only last week was caught in the act, so to speak straddled over a machine he had already been warned about He had said at first he was only oiling it but changed his story later on saying "I needed to work up a sweat and the only way I could think of was to pull at it for a while!!" He was caught red handed by SUM "Vinegar T…"Brown when on his downward stroke and given a good ticking off. Trevor who last year lost over 12 stone after eating a piece of Steven "Scoop" Jeffreys veggie pie said whilst being restrained in Scooby Doo fashion "If it wasn't for that bloody Weasel I 'd have getting away with it he gets me every time." Mark "The Weasel" Stafford said of Trevor "How many warnings does he want, we would not have to be told twice and yet again this demonstrates he has a problem with authority but we'll say nothing more on the matter!"