DONG ! NEIL "HOTDOG" HOLDROYD HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. EXCLUSIVE BY SCOOP JEFFREY

Neil "Hotdog" Holdroyd has finally left the site after years of uncertainty. The Ginger haired comic leaves just before the release of a black market blue video starring himself and a variety of busty blondes in shocking positions! Les "WD 40" Chapman who has know Neil since he was at school said "Neil will be left even more red faced than he already is". During the video shocked friends will see "Hotdog" Romping with a room full of redheads, snogging a bevy of blonde beauties and giving a chicken a good "basting" in the kitchen! The sizzling action came at the end of a night out to celebrate "Hotdogs" leaving and was filmed in a hotel in Newcastle. "Hotdog" is understandably denying the accusations saying he is a happily married man and is absolutely gutted. "All the hard work I've put in during the past few years could be ruined, I tell you it wasn't me, yes I was out that night but I would never do a thing like that.... well maybe if the money was right!!" This was later found to be true and "Hotdog" has been fully exonerated. However Duncan "Black Cockerel" Henderson has some Polaroid's of the night out. "Hotdog" is seen in a variety of positions leaving little to the imagination although staples cover his private parts !!!

NIGEL "BIG RON" ATKINSON CROWNED MR RINTONS TEA ! EXCLUSIVE BY SCOOP JEFFREY

Nigel "Big Ron" Atkinson has been crowned Mr Rintons Tea 1997. "Big Ron" fought off fierce competition from all over the country including Chris "Sheep Sh....." Bell who came third behind the P.G Tips monkey! The competition consisted of three rounds. Round one was to see who could make the most cups of tea during a standard nightshift, this round was won by Chris who made 25 cups and 15 mugs whilst "Big Ron" only produced 5 in total! However the second round,amount you could drink, was won by "Big Ron" with a record breaking 31 cups "amazing" said the judge "I,ve never seen anything like it these boys certinly can drink!" Round three and its the taste test again "Big Ron" comes out on top with a tea-tastic score of 97 out of 100. Later I asked Chris what had gone wrong and he told me he could provide no answer to the "human tea drinking machine"! Nigel "Big Ron" Atkinson, his prize, was to be presented with a years free supply of tea and the golden cup and saucer,awarded by last years winner Mark "The Weasel" Stafford.