Cheviot Chunter         ISSUE 12    Sept 97

The one and only Trevor "Supermex" Davis has finally laid his trousers of yesteryear to rest. The trousers have been forced to take early retirement when the gusset finally gave way and were unable to be welded. They were issued in the fashionable 70's, when they started out as a pair of Bell Bottoms but when the fashion changed "Supermex", who has a degree in sewing, used his skills to decrease the width. He then used the material that was left to increase the rear end, the waist and also give the gusset more support! They lasted another 10 years, and in that time they performed well only requiring sewing twice, once after issuing control and restraint in the line of duty and the other after a particularly hot curry. "The service these strides have given me has been impeccable they've looked after me all the way and it was a great disappointment when the welder told me there was nothing more he could do with them, I was absolutely gutted." said Trevor. However Supermex" has recently taken delivery of a brand new pair of blue pinstriped Plus Fours in the style of the old movie gangsters and Mafia dons!!! Darren "Snipper" Armstrong said "He only needs a violin case and a trilby hat to complete the look!!" "I think playing the part of Mr Orange in last months cheviot play has gone to his head." said Brian "Fry up" Gibbon and Shirley "Rock Chick" Wakefield said "I hope he's not getting these ideas from the television because Elvis Presley had a jacket on just like our Trevor's"!! Later on "Supermex" told me that his old trousers could still be seen and smelt at the new "museum of textiles" in the scratch and sniff exhibition!! He still proudly wears his short grey jacket which has also been in for a lot of stick at present. It has been with him for a number of years, however he is in the process of having the pockets stitched up after finding an old baked bean toasted sandwich that had been there for nearly a week in a cruel sabotage attempt on it. The culprits shall remain anonymous although I can say my self it must have been a real "Freddie Laker" when he found it!!!! 

This weeks readers letter comes from Mr Barry "Isum" Jordan.
Dear Sir,
I am starting off my own business selling hot drinks by post anyone interested please contact me for a full price list.(Please allow 28 days for delivery)Yours faithfully Barry.
NEW STAFF MATERIALISE ON PLANET CHEVIOT. by Scoop Jeffrey
Two new members of staff have mysteriously appeared on Cheviot house. They arrived last month and have already caused a stir in different ways. The first is Paul "The Kid" Shepherd, who used to be a elephant trainer at Billy Smarts circus until he seen the error of his ways. He told me that he had wanted to be a professional clown but he didn't have the nose for it !!! He still however has a collection of ties from the circus which he wears with pride. The second new member of staff is Malcolm "Batman" Cape who used to be a Red Coat at Butlins holiday camp and a part time kissagram. He has many stories about his old jobs none of which we can publish as you can understand, though he tells me he still has his old uniforms and is taking bookings for Christmas, Hi-Di-Hi , Ho-Di-Ho!!!!