CHEVIOT THESPIANS 'HAM' IT UP IN "SUPERMEX" PANTOMIME. EXCLUSIVE. By Scoop Jeffrey

Christmas is once again upon us and no Christmas would be complete without a visit to the local theatre for a Pantomime and this year will be no exception when the ex stunt double for Ronnie Barker in the classic TV series 'Open all hours' Trevor "Supermex" Davis directs and performs in his own written work of 'Captain Pugwash goes to Trevor Island'! Experts last night congregated in a small playhouse where other classics have been performed including last summer's blockbuster, 'Reservoir dogs,' to witness the first night of "Supermex's" so called Show stopper!! Davis has gathered together the most highly rated cast from Cheviots high and low ranking members and told me in another unit famous exclusive interviews that "I wanted to give the public something to remember and with the cast I've got together I think I may just have hit the Full Shinalely". However, one person excluded from the production is Paul "Speedy" Easton who was to play the roll of ships cook after his outstanding performance on TV's 'Ready Steady Cook,' but had wanted to play Master Bates."Speedy" told me "I would of given my right hand to play that part but Davis said my tackle wasn't big enough"!!
Cheviots stand in manager Ken "Panto" Dobinson makes his debut as the front part of the Pantomime horse while the rear end is to be played by various members of staff wishing to increase their chances of promotion or if a good off duty is required!!! Again this years Pantomime Dame is Brian "Fry Up" Gibbon who has bought all his own costumes from a second hand shop in Jesmond. He has worked without rest on his sequinned dress since October and speaking to me I noticed a tear in his eye he explained he felt very emotional, "I feel typecast, for years people have always thought of me as the John Inman or Lionel Blair character prancing around in a pair of stockings and acting camp, well I can tell you this I'm bloody sick of it, this will be my last performance before I hang up my suspender belt"!! The Fairy Godmother was played by Judith "Mrs Doyle" Speakman who swung around from the rafters in a tight fitting Tutu and wings made by none other than the costume mistress "Fry Up" Gibbon. Gary "Marty Feldman" Bridgewater would have made the perfect villain but unfortunately he was still super glued to the office chair while Jenny "I'm a Tree" Forster made an appearance as a tree. Sitting in his grotto at the entrance to the Playhouse was Kenny Rodgers look alike Les "WD40" Chapman dressed as Santa Claus, he told me that he had grown his beard back just for the occasion and Mark "The Weasel" Stafford was his little pixie, Davis told me "It was the only role I could give him after all the things he said about me this year and it is Christmas". At the end of the show the compare Derek "Tom Jones" Ferguson brought the house down, and various woman's knickers, with his rendition of White Christmas!!! It took twenty minutes to have the stage cleared of underwear. The cast were then brought out for a round of applause, unfortunately when Trevor "SuperMex" Davis bowed down his pinstriped trousers give way and he was pelted with eggs and tomatoes which he picked up making himself a 'boatload' of sandwiches !!!!!
TOUR CANCELLED AS "ROCKCHICK" GOES INTO LABOUR. by Scoop Jeffrey
Shirley "Rockchick" Wakefield has given birth to a Baby Boy whilst on stage with the rock band Bon Jovi. It came as quite a shock to the band after they had originally signed her to replace Jon who was to have started his own family. "We just thought she had a bit of wind" said the band's drummer. "Rockchick" has named the boy "Rockhunk" Wakefield and both are doing fine however the father, Simon "Zoommm" is nursing a bruised eye after collapsing on the microphone.
WARNING, AND NOW THE SERIOUS BIT.
Christmas only comes once a year and thank heavens for that, for some people it's the most stressful part of the year. Parties to go to plenty to drink all that lovely food spending all that money and visiting the family all take it out on you so don't over do it.The reason I'm telling you this is because there will no doubt be some tales to tell come the next issue. So Seasons Greetings to all readers of the Chunter and thank you for supporting this publication though out the year and finally to the other newsletters on the unit may I say "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"!!! I THANK YOU!!!