OVERHEATED GYM INSTRUCTOR WEARS TURBAN. EXCLUSIVE. by Scoop Jeffrey

An exciting picture has just been found of Paul "Speedy" Easton relaxing at home after a hard days work at the units Gymnasium!!! The amazing shot was discovered in a skip outside Villa 24 last week and I have been given exclusive rites to show it in the Chunter. As you can see it shows Paul in an unusual pose on his bed donning a peculiar head garment. Apparently Paul has been doing this for some years but no one knew why. Investigations into this strange picture have produced some chilling evidence. One person I spoke to on the matter told me that when Paul left school he took the trip of a life time to the Middle East where he trained to be a snake charmer. He was taught to play a tune in a particular way which would 'excite the python' and bring it out of its basket, unfortunately the only 'python' he could excite was his own and he now has two children!! However I asked his wife Toni "Qualified Nurse" Easton the real reason Paul wears the turban and she told me "It's to hide a small hole in his head where he removes his Duracell batteries when they need charging up or replacing, you can tell when he is running a bit flat because his speech slows down and he starts to look tired". We also asked Pauls 'best mate'! and working companion Louie "What's the crack" Brown (part time gardener, double glazing salesman, carpenter, football coach, bricky, singer, comedian!!!! expert on world issues and just about any thing else you can think of) if he had noticed any thing strange? He told me "Paul had came in the other day looking like death, pale skin, slurred speech and eyes like that bloke on Cheviot (Gary "Marty Feldman" Bridgewater) I thought he was just pissed but it turns out that he had to change his battery". He continued but I declined his offer of 4 UPVC double glazing windows for under £600 and a joke about two queers up a back alley!!! I then tried to contact Paul regarding the issue but only minutes into the interview his batteries ran out and I was left with a picture of him in full flow!!

"I'M NO SLOW TOE" SAYS TONI "QUALIFIED NURSE" EASTON. EXCLUSIVE by Scoop Jeffrey

Newly formed motor racing team 'Skip racing' have taken on Toni "Qualified Nurse" Easton as their number one driver after hearing of her ordeal with the boys in blue. The team manager Mr Dusty Binns told me that Toni had been the first choice for the team. "Our skips can sometimes reach speeds in excess of 47.5 MPH and Toni can certainly take the speed as we have all seen". Tearful Toni spoke to me at a press conference saying she had been given plenty of advice from Les "WD40" Chapman who has been driving 'Skips' for years but was forced to retired last year after the famous Austin Metro rollover in Ashington. Testing has already began as our exclusive shots reveal but Toni's first race comes in March when she travels to exotic Scunthorpe for the 'Skippy 500'! Toni has been sponsored by Northumbria Police who kindly stopped her last month to tell her the good news!!!! News travels fast ....!