FACE PULL DISASTER FOR BARRY "ISUM" JORDAN ! EXCLUSIVE        by Scoop Jeffrey

Disaster struck last week for Barry "Isum" Jordan as he took to the stage for his retirement performance. Under the stage name of 'The Great Isum', he was to perform his legendary face pulling antics which he had been doing incident free for the past several years, although half way through his performance rubber faced Barry got into difficulties when his face got stuck in his most popular pull and had to be escorted from the stage after a group of angry drunken protesters demanded their money back. Barry who once won an award at Butlins Holiday camp for having the face people most wanted was also asked to stay on as a red coat by the now famous Queen Michael Barrymare but turned him down to become a Nursing Assistant! He was unavailable for comment after spending a busy night in hospital for observation, although we did speak to a doctor who said "Barry has had a lot of visitors this evening and at £2.50 an adult, £1.40 for children & OAPs our trust fund will benefit greatly from this, now if you would just like to join the queue"! Friends and fans of "Isum" also rushed to his bedside to catch a glimpse of the master in action for the last time and as the photograph shows they weren't disappointed! Barrys manager and Mr Ringtons Tea 1997 Nigel "Big Ron" Atkinson who recently has returned from a tea picking expedition in India told us exclusively "Barry has been on my books for years, he can put his 'head to anything' nothing like this has really happened before although he did get stage fright one night when he spotted a cackling Judith "Silver Fox" Speakman in the audience of a hen party"! We later caught up with Barry after he was released and he explained what had happened. "Just as I was pulling my top face someone opened the fire exit in a sabotage attempt and let a gust of wind in which caught my face and froze it, my mother had always warned me when I was a nipper not to pull faces because the wind would make it stay like that. Doctors have told me never to pull faces again as there's no guarantee my good looks will come back next time"!!

GOOD TIME GIRL RETURNS TO PLANET CHEVIOT, AT LAST.

Shirley "Rockchick" Wakefield returned to Cheviot fold last week after her final performance with the rock legends Bon Jovi. She handed back the golden microphone to lead singer Jon in a tearful last concert which seen the Cheviot hall once again packed to the rafters! As we reported earlier Jon had left to start a family and "Rockchick" was plucked from the Mayfair club to replace him for 5 months but after only 2 months Shirley had given birth herself to a fine child! The band took to the stage when everyone had returned after Ken "Panto" Dob-in-son had cleared the hall with his 2 hour fair well speech!! He leaves us with some 'Fond' memories and takes with him "Qualified Nurse" Easton and "Tom Jones" Ferguson. However all is not lost as Wilma "The Kenyan Queen" Brown takes refuge on Cheviot.