EX BUS DRIVER TAKES TO THE WHEEL ONCE MORE!

EXCLUSIVE By Scoop Jeffrey

Bus driving legend Alan "Deputy" Holland took to the wheel once again last week to drive a special double decker bus service for the Nudists club of Ashington wearing only a large beach towel and clutching his favourite teddy bear! The club was celebrating World Naturists Day and their 2nd birthday. Alan being one of the founding members came up with the idea whilst 'hanging out' with a few of the blokes from the club one day! He told me "I had been thinking of doing something big this year like 'erecting' a tree in honour of the club, but still having my P.S.V. licence I thought it would be an even better idea to hire a bus and go on a mystery tour". Arrangements were made and the number '69' left the bus station early on so not to attract too much attention, however the day turned into a catalogue of disasters. Firstly an elderly man got his 'bits' jammed in the automatic doors and had to be manually released! Then when ringing the bell the short sighted conductor pressed the wrong bell push button and was duely slapped in the face by the angry lady.

LES "WD40" CHAPMAN IS IN THE 'CLUB' AGAIN!

A test drive for Les "WD40" Chapman turned into near disaster and a lucky escape for the 'stunt- tastic' driver last week when he hit a speed bump and flew 100 yards through the air. Luckily though for Les he landed in the front window of his favourite club The Varsal. Les who had been cleaning his neighbours spark plugs had taken the Austin Metro car for a test drive and was horrified to see a bus full of nudists parked by the side of the road. "I only glanced over but that's when I hit the speed bump, the car just took off and before I knew where I was there was this almighty crash. It was just like that advert on the television where the donut falls on that blokes heed." Les told me. The damaged car was taken away to be repaired but was later scrapped when it was discovered it was three cars welded into one. Les was later back at the scene of the incident though this time allegedly to examine the damage whilst supping a pint of the guest ale which had been named Chapmans flyer. Also this week "WD40" had approached Trevor "SuperMex" Davis to see if there was anyway he could join the Sierra Appreciation Society as he was desperate to become a member, although not owning a Sierra himself he had tried to disguise his Ford Escort as a Sierra with poor results. "SuperMex" was not amused and told Les, and I quote, "The SAS is a very prestigious club and I will not disclose my secret hand shake to you, if you want to join you must have a Sierra for a start!"