MAKE
Cake making expert Brian "Fry Up" Gibbon this week got more than he had bargained for when he won first prize in the 'cake-a-thon' contest held at this years Cheviot fictional summer fair! He beat off fierce competition to come through as the Mr Kiplin cake maker 1998 with his now legendary 'Triple deck, double choc, high calorie super monster cake' complete with several pounds of cherries on the top as an extra garnish and lashings of thick fresh dairy cream to what some believe to be the most delicious cake in the world! This years last minute judge was crappy television presenter Terry Wigg-on and not the previously advertised Richard Shitely who had to pull out after he lost his sense of humour! Also helping to judge was our very own Shirley "RockChick" Wakefield who was performing on stage with her new all female rock band 'The Cheviot Girls' which had Judith "SiverFox" Speakman 'vibrating' in the aisles!!! Brian had only needed to ice his cake with chocolate to finish it off, however the large shipment of dark cooking chocolate which had been destined for the top had gone missing on route. Dark chocolate, being Nigel "Big Ron" Atkinsons favourite
smell
and taste, made him the main culprit and Mark "The Weasel" Stafford had
seen Nigel "Big Ron" loading the boot of his car with a large quantity
of tin foil wrappers whilst supping on a flask of tea! When confronted
he told him that he was collecting the foil wrappers for Blue Peter! and
could he have 'milk and two sugars' in his tea please! Sure enough when
the boot was checked the chocolate was there. Brian exploded in fury and
in his anger blew the biggest chewing gum bubble the world had ever seen.
Unfortunately the bubble burst and covered "Fry Ups" face just as he was
about to get stuck into "Big Ron" who by this time had done a runner. We
later found "Bigger Ron" hiding in the bushes and he told us the real reason
he had taken the chocolate. "I had wanted to try and get the golden wrapper
so I could go to Willy Wonkers Chocolate factory and have a ride in his
glass elevator." he said. Meanwhile back at the fair Terry had announced
the winner and Brian came to the stage to accept his prize which was an
unused voucher for 9 months worth of free pies from Greggs donated by Trevor
"SuperMex" Davis after his wife had complained about the amount of stick
her Trevor was getting in this publication. However new photographs of
Mr Davis in his pre "SuperMex" days have been unearthed and hense to say
we shall be publishing them soon (once we have contacted our solicitors!!!!)
