"SUPER MEX" DAVIS BLOWS UP HIS MOTOR IN FINAL LAP OF RACE!

EXCLUSIVE BY SCOOP JEFFREY

Expert driver, founder member of the now defunked Sierra Appreciation Society and Nigel Mansell look alike Trevor "Super Mex" Davis was involved in a stewards enquiry last week when the motor on his motorised Vacuum cleaner caught fire and blew up spewing dust and dirt all over the other competitors in the Chunter 500 forcing him off the track and into the arms of spectator Judith "Silver Fox" Speakman!!! The already champion of Formula Armchair racing and Garden Lawnmowers moved to Vacuum Cleaners last season when his sponsorship deal with Bridgewaters Orthopaedic Armchairs was not renewed! This year there was no end of sponsors queuing to have there names plastered on Trevors 'ample' boiler suits and emblazed on the side of his Hoover 1300 junior. Team mechanic Tom "Lord Lucan" Woodmass apparently watching from the pit lane was on the scene of the horrific incident within hours!! He told us "It's all my fault I forgot to change the bag from the last race". Speaking to "Super Mex" later on he explained what had happened, "I had noticed on the previous lap that there was a slight trail of smoke coming from the motor so I decided to just to nurse it round carefully however once round the final bend the turbo picked up and I was catapulted through the air and into the crowd, when I came round I noticed that Judith "Silver Fox" Speakman was on the deck, she was coughing and spluttering so I knew she was all right"!!! At the press conference race steward Darren "The Snip" Armstrong explained that "Super Mex" would be banned from all other races in the Formula Hoover series for not wearing his safety belt. However Trevor was not disheartened when he explained he had been in talks to drive in the Kiddies car Championship next season and that a telephone call just hours earlier from The Big Ron and Weasel racing team had made him an offer to drive in the forthcoming 24 hour Le Bath racing tournament! "My solicitors are working on a contract and they should be hearing from them soon"!!!!

"PENNY FOR THE GUY MISTER"

Its the busiest time of the year for one member in particular of Cheviots staff. Mark "The Weasel" Stafford has been hired out for the past 10 years as a Guy for Guy Fawkes Night!! Speaking to the Chunter Mark explained "It's a good little side line for myself I could make at least 25 pence in a single evening"! Mark however is not the only person to hire out his services at this time of year, Barry "Isum" Jordan was once a part time Halloween Turnip and Steven "Scoop" Jeffrey a blood curdling Vegetarian Vampire impersonator! Diane "The Decorator" Bruce could even be seen flying around on a broomstick, but that is another story!!!