LES "WD 40" CHAPMAN TAKES DELIVERY OF NEW VEHICLE

BY SCOOP JEFFREY

We can Exclusively reveal that Les"WD 40" (Rolf Harris Lookalike) Chapman has finally taken delivery of a new vehicle this week. Reports in other publications had previously said Les would be purchasing a "50cc Funky Mopehead" but this rumor has been laid to rest by the man himself when he arrived for work in a customized yellow fork lift truck. He said "this is the perfect vehicle for me as it has very little roll when going round roundabouts." he continued by saying "the day I laid my Metro to rest was very sad ,the car had only did 750.000 miles and if it had not of rolled over would of did the same again" he added "I was only going 30 miles an hour when one of the speakers in the rear of the car fell over and that was it ,over I went". "Lucky it was near to home" He concluded by saying he would be entering this years R.A.C. Rally if "The BRIDE" would let him and would also would be starring in the next Starwars film as a replacement for C3P0 in the role of "WD40"!!!

CHEVIOT OFFICE CHAIR CLAIMS ITS THIRD "VICTIM"

Shirley "Rock Chick" Wakefield has became the third victim of the Cheviot office chair. The news was broke yesterday with an announcement in a rival publication namely "The Cheviot Communication Book". Many questions remain unexplained and worried staff have contacted unit manger Peter "Big Brown Bear" Bell to conduct a full investigation in to the mysterious chair. Mr Bell told this publication exclusively that he has contacted agents Mulder and Sculley of the X Files to investigate!!!!

NIGEL "BIG RON" ATKINSON DOES POGO IN PUB. The event of the year took place in Morpeth Town on Wednesday evening when the Cheviot House staff gave Richard "Stanley Hammer" his final send off. Reports are sketchy but rumors of Nigel "Big Ron " Atkinson performing the pogo in one public house have been backed up with the publication of a photograph .For obvious reasons we can't show this due to the obsence publications act 1992! "Big Ron" is yet to surface . Also Tom "Mr Sheen" Woodmass was seen at the bar buying a drink for "the Stanley Hammer" who was unable to drink due to a medical condition,however the drink was not wasted as Chris "Sheep Sh...."Bell was on hand to consume the drink.! More reports of the event in next weeks issue ,also if anyone has any interesting items or articles then please contact me "Scoop Jeffrey" at the City Desk Cheviot House.