"WINDY" MILLER  MODELS FOR DOORSTEP CHALLENGE !
EXCLUSIVE By Scoop Jeffrey
New Doorstep Challenge man Barry "Isum" Jordan took to the streets last week to promote a new range of 'Baz'TM washing products in a 'Bold' attempt to get someone to actually use the stuff!! Posters like the one to the left have been seen advertising 'Baz Automatic' throughout the area and "Isum" was thoroughly grateful to Cheviots latest Manager Tracy "Windy" Miller for offering her modelling services! "Of course I wanted nothing but the best, I mean £2.50 and a fish supper for a photo shoot took us right over our budget" said Barry late last night!! Barry, the Mr flexible of the unit, took the role on when the previous challenge master Alan "Sicknote" Green was caught just before Christmas showing his arse in Fenwicks window after a night on the Pims and Sherry, unfortunately his back locked up after he had bent over and was stuck in the same position all night!! A spokesman for "Sicknote" (his doctor) refused to comment on the matter but did say that he would return in his usual 9 months time when his certificate ran out!! "Its all part of the master plan", Alan was heard to say as he was bundled 'carefully' in the back of the black miriea van! Of course not to be outdone Chris "Sheepsh...." Bell has just launched his own cleaning product respectable named 'Mr Clean'!!!!!

"LE PETAMAINE"   KAKAOKE STRIPPER KING
"Corks" were literally flying the other night at the fictional Cheviot hall after a girls night out to see the worlds first 'Audible' stripper ended in chaos. Event organiser Jennie "I'm a Tree" Guisti booked the gig through "Surprise Artists" not knowing what see was going to get but was advised by the agent to sell the cheap seats near the front of the stage and that there was a strict no smoking rule in force with this performer. Jenny told us "I thought we were getting a non smoking noisy one man band when I was told he plays tunes on demand"! On the night all were taking aback when on the stage came Ian "Spit,Grunt,Fart" Thrope with a policeman's uniform on and began eating and 'dropping' his bait !!! However after a few drinks the girls were all singing along to Thropes arse! Later we spoke to Ian "Spit,Grunt,Fart" Thorpe who told us that he was big in Japan and that if anyone wanted to make a booking please ensure the venue has adequate ventilation as the haze can be blinding, also he did special discounts for blind partys! He also told us that he was thinking about registering his idea with the patents board. Instead of KARAOKE he wants his idea to be called "KAKAOKE" !!!!! We at the chunter think that Stinks!!! See you next Issue.........