Police were called in late last week to sort out a huge traffic jam of sofa settees and armchairs which had congregated outside the home of Cheviot Chunter star Jenny “I’m a Tree” Giusti! The traffic congestion was caused by the launch of her new ‘drive in on her drive’ sofa wash for tired old sofa’s and chairs and was so bad that at one stage stretched right back to the Metro Centre! “Its just ‘Suds’ law”! Jenny said as she posed for photographers. One of Jennys regular customers who we spotted was Cheviot old time boy and armchair soap fanatic Gary “Garbridge” Bridgewater who pulled up in his customised Parker Knoll chair, He told us “Jenny really gets into all the nooks and crannies and can even get super glue off an office chair now!” This of course referred to the time Gary was Super glued to Cheviots office chair! Paul “Hipster” Mcvie was also spotted in the queue with his favourite bar stool from local drinking establishment ‘The Cree’! “I didn’t really want to get my stool cleaned up as there’s some good stains on it, but they threatened to bar me when they seen mushrooms growing on it!” Near the back we found the ‘Well Sprung’ Ian “Spit Grunt Fart” Thorpe. Who shouted over “I was told there was a good ‘Scrubber’ on the estate who would polish me up nicely and plump my cushions”! Later we asked Jenny how things were going to which she replied “Well ‘So-Fa’ So Good”!!

Cheviot Houses professional Darts world Champion of 1976 Gillian “The Jackal” Chapman leaves the security of Planet Cheviot this coming week in order to take up a new full time career as a belly dancer in her local Greek restaurant! Her love of belly dancing stems back 20 years when she started to wiggle her ‘bump’ at passing buses and cars on the A1 along with lifelong hamster eating friend Freddy Starr. However they were both arrested and cautioned with indecent exposure! Urghhh

Wish you were here! Holiday tips from Barry !!!

The ever popular holiday pundit Barry “Isum” Jordan Cheviots own Judith Charlmers hits the pages of the Cheviot Chunter yet again when his bargin £57.99 holiday ended in near disaster after he fell asleep under a tree and was hit in the ’Stotts’ by a falling coconut! David Niven lookalike Phillip “HotBot” Tonkin, Barrys companion on the holiday said “I was shocked...Barry can move when he wants too”!!