HAND BAGS AT TWENTY PACES.

EXCLUSIVE BY SCOOP JEFFREY

A war of words has erupted between two key members of the Cheviot "old bloke" brigade. Brian "Fry up" Gibbon gave an emotional interview with this reporter and said "my pipes needed sorting and only "Supermex" could help. I thought I could rely on him but overtime makes him shake like a wet kipper." Davis aka "Supermex" 36, tall for his height spoke from his Taco come Bistro restaurant "I no narthing senor,du ya wint a table far two? tadays special is Felton hillbilly trout." Scoop Jeffrey can exclusively reveal that this is not the first time he has dropped his chums in the quagmire. A secret source was quoted as saying "since the riot on old villa 23 when he was hit on the head with a toasted loaf belonging to Mr "Forton" he has never been the same and is often found doing a jig when filling in his overtime form." This is the latest in a long line of incidents involving the incredulous "Supermex".

FUGITIVE FLEES THIRTY SEVEN AND HALF HOUR WEEK By Scoop Jeffrey

Marty Feldman lookalike Gary "Jonah Lomu" Bridgewater has escaped the clutches of the working week using legal means,bad back, and was seen streaking across the 18th hole at the U.S. Masters in Atlanta wearing only a tartan jockstrap and carrying several editons of the Cheviot Chunter. Nick Faldo's Fanny said "Nice Buttocks for a large man,but surely Tartan clashes with his hair". Jack Nichlaus took his eye off the ball and missed a birdie when Bridgewater pulled a double flanker,yes I said flanker, and stole the show. He was later arrested for gross indecency and said "Listen I'm just a Prudhoe bloke with a bit of a belly."In a recent staff survey 8 out of 10 staff said "Gary Bridgewater who the Fik is he" The other two said "Is he the bloke in the Tango advert". GET WELL SOON GARY,WHO EVER YOU ARE !!!!

TOM JONES SEEN IN MORPETH !

A crowd of women mistakenly removed there underwear and flung them at a bemused Tom Jones lookalike whilst shopping for his favourite tipple of Ace lager and Tizer chaser. Derek "its not unusual" Ferguson was quoted as saying "if it wasn't for my face I'd look nothing like him."